A million cultures celebrated the New Year on some day in the past couple of weeks. It was Ugadi in South India, Sankranti in Western India (my ethnicity) and here in Thailand, it was Songkran. Songkran is derived from the Sanskrit Sankranti or the “Turning of the Sun”. This festival is marked by a joyous water festival in Thailand. Morning prayers give way to raucous, stunningly refreshing water fights, soaking of Buddhas, beautiful parades, traditional lustrous water ( a blend of Nagchampa flowers and saffron) in temples.
My in laws are here and we went to the best place to be for Songkran which is Chiang Mai in Northern Thailand. In the afternoons, peaceful parades of ancient Buddha statues meandered through the streets (ancient city ruled by the Mengrai dynasty), lined by rural Thais holding the lustrous waters to bathe the Buddha. Later we two purchased water cannons and crossed the city moat where the farangs and Thais alike were engaged in what can only be described as an out and out insane water fight. And no alcohol! and such ecstasy! Truly there is a hope for mankind. Later drenched, exhausted and no stopping of water, water everywhere, we halted for a meal of catfish (me) and veg curry (him).Yet throughout these strange distractions, it was tough to banish my supreme and much more cancerous despondencies that seem to be lurking few layers beneath for quite a while. I have been trying to diagnose this- despondency, detachment, loss and sorrow or it disaffection? names are another distraction, a game of wordplay which takes me even further from facing This Thing squarely in the face. It is hard to see external causes of it – married, with a swell career, family and this lovely country and I tend to admonish myself to kick myself into a neat package , if not to look good, at least to ensure each present moment is wrapped up and sent back as packed pellets into the past.
I think I have realized one thing kinda several decades late in my life. Or rather, I knew it all along but often this moose in not on the table chomping its way into upma: that I have zero.zero, 0.0 social intelligence. Put it simply: I wilt in the midst of people like a cactus left to water. Somehow my oxygen is solitude and maybe equally electric people. As I age, I do try (if there is such a thing) to be ’social’ and I think I am quite presentable actually. (remind me to congratulate myself). But, try being an Asian , living in Asia, married to one of the most socially intelligent beings I have known ever (seriously, my partner engages and draws in people) and you realize this conundrum. But, again this is also a distraction and I am not sure is the only reason why I feel This Thing….letting it simmer for now.
